good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
be right there i have to get my cape
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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