I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
