there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
