My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
