Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
