idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
