good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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