dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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