WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
