We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
