Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
