no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
