the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
