i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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