Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
