im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
