Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
