Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
