Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
