Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Please don't give away my fajitas
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
