I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my shit smells like andre
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
