We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
