When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
