I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
