the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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