I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
