You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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