You smell like stripper and shame
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize