He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
