btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
