Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
