I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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