I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
