i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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