Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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