He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
