Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
