Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
