I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
