i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
