i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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