he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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