Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
