Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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