The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
