i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
