my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
