Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i out mim tonsoeep
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
