I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
