I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
