I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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