You really coming over, don't trick.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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