Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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