If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
