he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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