yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize