I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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