just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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