I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
