YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
