I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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