She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
