dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
