getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
